Insomnia
I don't really know what to write about tonight.
It's almost 4 in the morning and I'm very tired, but unable to sleep. I don't really have anything important going on in the morning. Maybe in the afternoon, but I kind of wish I didn't have anything going on at all. I just want to be in bed all week.
I feel awful for missing a lot of events during the weekend, including a friend's birthday party. I said I couldn't make it, but part of me didn't want to go and to just lay in bed. I don't want to be in bed all the time, but it's either that or on the computer for however long it takes me to go to bed. Sometimes 12+ hours long because I have nothing else going on.
It's not great for my health, I know, but I kind of stopped caring. I don't get up from bed for myself, I do it for other people. If it weren't for them, I wouldn't be getting up, but I don't always get up. I keep trying to make reasons to get up in the morning, but there won't ever be enough. It feels like I'm fighting a losing battle and that it'd be better to give up entirely. I just don't know if it's something I can do.
I'm going to try to fall asleep again. I'm so tired.